o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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