only if we run a train.
done.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
