how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
