She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
