That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
