i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My first STD was from a foam party
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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