dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
