You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
