Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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