is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
