I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
