Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
