He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
