wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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