I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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