I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
