i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
