yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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