I cockslap morals
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
