Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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