She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
