Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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