I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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