I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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