K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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