Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
