He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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