dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
