Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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