Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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