I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
