Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Randomize
