you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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