I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
