Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
