My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
