i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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