yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
