don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
