You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
