i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
