My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
