i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
