My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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