i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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