i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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