Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
