i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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