Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
