As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
