i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
