Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
