I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
