I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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